Thursday, December 6, 2007

It feels like I am ready for Christmas...

but sadly, I think this every year...actually, I honestly do think I am ahead of the game somehow this year. not only did I make my final loan payment last month (meaning that I won't ever have to make one of those again...YEAH!!!), but I have provided my notice at my current residence AND have already started slowly sifting through the items i have collected at home that i really don't think i need (i found my breast daughter is 4...yeah, i am a bit of a pack rat).

of course, with the moving and the packing and the holidays and everything else, i am finding that i am having a hard time with some things. there are people who i have grown very attached to, very fond of, who are, unfortunately and through no fault of their own, being hurt by my actions. i hate this, and i hate knowing that all these things are things which i have put upon them. and i know that i have to start doing things for me, regardless of others, but it still affects me. i have hurt myself and been hurt by others enough to know beyond any doubt that i do not want to be the cause of that to someone else.

so currently i am trying to bury myself in things to do (i.e. knitting, cleaning, packing, organizing, decorating, baking, etc., etc., etc.). it has worked so far, but in the wee hours of the night, the guilt still sneaks up on me. hopefully once the move is done, and others realize that things are not as lonely, as far, as bad as they may seem, it will be better.


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